Why Britney Spears' "3" cheapens an already cheap thing...

So basically every performer has a total monopoly on one thing, themselves. This can be seen by the countless tribute bands in existence, which is to say you can spend $20 on a KISS cover band, but to get the real deal, pyrotechnics and all, you've got to shill out big time, and Gene Simmons knows this.

And whereas KISS, or GWAR for that matter, has a monopoly on shocking and astounding fans in their own unique way, Britney Spears' niche has always been the prospect of having sex with her, and "3" cheapens that.

Subtlety has never been her thing, and so even on her breakthrough at the supposedly naive age of 17 she was selling the idea of having a go with her between the sheets - or, as the video teased, after home room. It's appealing because she's very attractive, and she parlayed it into a ton of money. Good for her.

And yet as time wore on and coquettish gyrations became overt vulgarity, she was still careful to protect her brand, which is to say, when you got a Britney Spears album it was still being sold on the idea of shtupping her, and that's what your 9.99 to 14.99 was going for. Man or woman, it didn't really matter, as access to her sexuality was her stock in trade, so whether you were fantasizing being in her, or merely being her, the Britney brand still sold records.

And then "3" was released and suddenly it wasn't enough to just want Britney anymore. Whereas she had been selling access to brand Britney for your pleasure/entertainment/morbid interest, by making a song about doing her and another guy/girl she's effectively saying, "I'm not enough anymore and I know that, so you can have me and someone else, too."

It's like saying, "Buy Monopoly and we'll throw in Uno!" Or that your new Chevy Malibu comes with a Ford Taurus, just in case driving a Malibu by itself isn't fully doing "it" for you anymore. And how does she come back from this? Will her next song, which will inevitably also be about doing her, have an explanation about how she's once again the gold standard in libidinous fantasy? Or will she put out a song called "Baker's Dozen," an entendre laden gem about her and 12 friends?

I like to think that, since she's already sullied her brand image, her next song will just be about shagging whoever the latest it-girl is, like if it came out soon it'd just be called "Megan Fox" and the whole thing would be Britney singing about how great it would be to have a roll in the hay with the sexy chick from Transformers. Only time, and relevance related desperation, will tell...